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Monday, August 4th, 2003
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5:54 pm
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Tonight I downloaded Tom Cochrane's "Life is a Highway." Holy shit did those memories come flooding back? No Armand, no worries....just me, my red '88 Mini, and no way to go but faster.
I have thought about updating my web site but I am wondering if it is truly worth it. Who gives a flying shit about "the boy reporter?"
I would rather I met one who had no idea of who I am or where I am in the evolution of time.
current mood:  lonely
current music: Sting- Fields of Gold
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| Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
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10:18 pm
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And what am I to spew forward tonight that you all know not of?
I am here.
I am waiting.
I am alone.
It seems Armand would prefer I be left to suffer this extreme, archaic hunger, without an explaination, without mercy.
My bitterness grows with each passing pang in my veins, my animality fosters.
I am caged, ready to stike whatever, whoever I catch sight of first. I shall entagle them in my web and show them the same mercy my Master has shown me!
current mood:  angry
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 17th, 2003
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8:08 pm
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Another night I await Armand's barely audible footfall outside my titanium prison door. All in hope that he will take me out to feed once again. I thirst more than he must know, or care about...whatever the case may be. He no longer has the drive, the hunger that he once had as a young fledge, BUT I DO!
Armand! Where are you? Is there a lesson to be learned by this? Can you not see me? Hear me?
I sleep to kill the pain, only the cramps follow me through my days rest, torturing me through my centermost regrets.
Must you haunt my dreams as well?
Why have you crept your way into them each night only to rip out my heart and suck it dry, as clique as that sounds.
Oh but no, you are far more cleaver than that.
We walk the streets those blessed nights in which I can suck one victim dry, yet your amber eyes peirce, judge and scrutinize every inconsequential movement, every suckle I savor.
Why can I not play with my food?
current mood: angry
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 18th, 2003
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10:51 pm
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| madmolloy | | Magic Number | 20 | | Job | Porn Star | | Personality | A Worrier, I Worry That I Worry Too Much | | Temperament | Pussy Cat | | Sexual | Whip me, baby! | | Likely To Win | A Nobel Prize | | Me - In A Word | Belligerent | | Colour | | | Brought to you by MemeJack |
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Hm... I'm not sure about the pussy cat.
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(18 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 12th, 2003
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9:20 pm
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I returned upon my feast hollow, querulous, for this night my mind was not grounded. Memories had lulled me in an oyster shell, no pearl in sight. I could not rinse the grounded ink, the retentiveness of my mind, so instead I accommodated reflection. Slogging the cities obscure alleys and broken streets. With a lugubrious heave I entered the cobwebbed catacombs of guilt, pleasure, blood, ingratitude, pain, pain, pain...
My meal happened upon me quite suddenly. A curious man of round stature and rotund face devoid of a lips as if her were sucking them in in deep thought. With a start he noticed my presence. Clenching a meaty hand to his heart a parcel dropped to the ground. I tilted my head placing a stanch hand upon his shuddering shoulder.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you" He shook his head while floundering over his thoughts in order to form a decent response. In the meantime I released my hand to crouch and pick up his bouquet of flowers. A heady mixture of roses and daises, as well as sprigs of baby's breath were upon the cellophane wrapping I spied a taped note.."I'm sorry" scrawled hurriedly in red ink.
A few minutes following I respectfully placed the flowers in his lifeless hands, note upwards. After ruffling what was left of his mousy hair, I set back to my place.
At least in death his wife will hope that those flowers where meant for her, and not his young mistress that showed ill-favour over his lousy performance.
I slammed the door behind me, taking in a deep breath before falling face first into my leather sofa. My fingers trickling along the surface feeling the small grooves of texture tickle the pads of my fingers. Tough dead skin, cool beneath my cheek, permeating the familiar smell of my favorite jacket in '83.'84 '85... disappearing after I became bonded to my Master into eternity. Once I realized by jacket had been replaced by a sleek wool peacoat I growled and I combed the dumpsters. But it was too late, the garbage was picked up while I slept.
To this day Armand denies absconding with it, but I knew the silent distain he held upon each and every stain. Oh yes, Armand ALWAYS get his way.
Right then I heard a barley audible shuffling outside my door, I arose to peak out the hole but not a moment passed 'tween my fuming awareness to become a paralyzed husk in Armand's concrete grip. He hollowed me further taking what was solely mine. I had no intention to make it his, yet still he suckled hard gulps.
When does he stop? That's enough Armand!
I opened my mouth to protest his animalistic plight, but nothing came out... as if my cords were clotted with searing jelly, my body loosing animation and response to my own will.
So this is what it's like...
Daniel?
My master has finally taken my riddance into his hands, plucking from the earth the imp he materialize out of his own greed?
Daniel?
I'm going to haunt him into infernal dementia!
Daniel!
What!?
What do you feel?
How the hell am I suppose to feel! I feel... Betrayed!
What else?
...Lost Humiliated I have been pulled from this earth as I was born into it. A mistake.
Is that right?
But wait! There is a ticking in my mind! Can a deserted soul feel this?
Open your eyes, Daniel.
What do you mean open my eyes? What eyes?
Your mind's eyes.
And with what strength?
Who's to say you don't have all the strength you wish? After all, you are a deserted soul. Heavy laden with limitations I gather?
Who the hell are you?
Never mind that, it is you we must concern ourselves with.
For what? When will I be left the fuck alone, huh? Geez! Does it ever stop!
Calm yourself, Daniel. No need to be hostile.
Yeah...well sorry. I have a heada...a headache? Pain remains as well? God! What a blow!
Do you truly yearn for your solitude, Daniel, or is solitude your way of feeling nothing at all, for "with joy comes pain." Am I not right?
I have said such, yes. Your point being?
Maybe there is no point. Mayhaps YOU are too thick headed to realize that it is indeed possible that you could be loved, purely.
Love is a fairy tale fed to you at a young age so you may follow all the other disillusioned banausics .
Funny. You didn't believe such the day you cast your eyes upon your future Master, your savior, Armand.
I was jaded.
Ahh... but you are not "jaded" in saying that love does not exist?
A small gasp of breath escaped me as I felt a slight breeze filled with pitch night air caressed my hair and tickle my ears. I remained weightless.
Is it possible that an angel of darkness has taken it upon himself to put me in my place?
Pavement... light steps.
The face of a cherub, crowned in a majestic swirl of fiery locks. I wanted to touch his smoothed stone face, run my fingers through the raven feathers that weight upon his sleek deceptive child-like back.
But who is he? Why has he chosen me?
Armand? Is this true? Your mere selfishness and pride drove you to work the Dark Gift into me? That had I not been dying you would have never...?
Daniel...calm yourself.
How am I to calm myself!!? You are only one that I have ever truly loved...
My eyes shot open. Or at least I believe they did.
Where am I?
MY mouth was unbearably parched. My rubber hands were taut, mortified. I had to focalize through the tormenting throb that made the whole of my body so that I may not fall back into the void. I felt tightly enclosed in the blue velvet bedding, the feather beds suction holding me in place. The stark blanched walls around me seemed to breathe in heavily then let out peals of laughter over and over again. Closer and closer the walls came. Heaving it's belly around the bed, encapsulating me in it's mock coffin.
Or am I truly in a coffin?
Thrusting my hands upward with the deteriorated strength heated 'tween mind and muscle I shoved at the top, heaving beneath it's weight with no avail.
I must be buried six feet under.
Is this where I am to be the rest of my eternity?
You're dire wish was to be alone, was it not?
Yes but...
...Granted.
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| Thursday, May 8th, 2003
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1:13 am
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I kissed her hard, how she wanted to be. Her body pressed against me, wanting me... feeling for the hardness that I could not give her. Her red painted mouth smiled a delighted grin while eyeing me with expectation. Her brown eyes, so chocolate, so brown, so bloody and needy. I wanted to eat her up.
We kissed passionately, I pressed my cool lips hard against her neck, she gasp and giggles, pushing her breasts against me. I sneared and went in for the drink... biting her hard and restlessly. Her mouth fell agape, her head nodded back as her hair caressed my knees. I suckled feircly, drinking only what would satiate me for a single moment until I came up and gasped for air. She had passed out. I ran my finger up her swan like neck and smile, pressing her even closer to my bodyher warmed by her heat, her passion, as I was passionate for her.
I kissed, kissed and kissed and kissed. Pleading within my mind for her body to waken. I trailed my lips from her chin up to her open mouth. Thankfully her lucious lips became alive again. Her lilted eyes animate. She peered upon me not with horror but with lust as she kissed me again, pushing her tongue into my mouth. I slid mine into hers and our tongues danced around one anothers. No doubt she tasted her blood but what did it matter? She did not care. "Everything dies" Her mind said to me. I paused for a moment as she went on. She was expecting death from my hand...and could I...should I give it to her...her not being an evil doer ...her not committing any sin but the wanting of death?
I swooned in again and suckled upon her tongue, letting her pulsate and arch her back and gasped.
Her head fell upon my shoulder. The scent of her, the smell, it was intoxicating, invigorating. I wanted her here and now. I wanted her with in this dark, grimy club no matter what the risk of being caught... so help me god I wanted her blood. To taste her again. The whole of her.
I peered at the bouncer who was fiercely eyeing me with a look of sheer contempt. He wanted to kill me, no doubt. I could sense it. This was his woman at a time past. I held her, rubbed her back, for as I saw she was a tortured one. He hit, slapped, bit her for gods sake, no wonder she wanted to die. Fucker!
I picked her up, cradling her head and walked out of the ill lit bar. He followed behind us but I kept walking. I didn't want to kill him, At least not tonight, I just wanted to bring her safely with me.
I reached my downtown apartment, jumbling with the god damned keys in the door. When we got in I laid her down upon my couch. What was I to do with her? She would wake in the morning and find a room with a coffin. No doubt she would open it and bring the sun light upon my body...watching me fade into dust. I snarled at the idea of any human doing so... I am superior yet to you...I am dust. Calmly I peered at her face, so delicate and smooth, worthy of so much more.
I was in isolation, I could not have her...I had to remain within this life... alone...without one that I could love, and one that could love me back. I couldn't even have a fucking one night sta....what am I saying...every feed is a one night stand. I sighed deeply
"Carla, I wish I could give you what you want" She stirred, her head tilted towards me, her eyes fighting to open upon my form as I frowned above her. "You?" She whispered as she blinked upon me.
I smiled a small smile. "Yes...me"
I looked to the hardwood floor then back up at her fiercely trembling body. Oh God, I forgot a blanket! I stood up and walked to the linen closet. "Where are you going?" I stopped mid pace. "I...I am getting you a blanket" Her eyes were fighting to stay open..."oooohhhh" She withered out. I sighed and went on, pulling an old quilt Armand had hated out of my closet... walking toward the sad, sick, feeble form I threw it upon her...letting it drape upon her petite form.
"What are you doing" Her words were soft and breezy. I came close, kneeling before her. "What?" She opened her eyes again..."Wha...hat are you doing?"
I stared at her, her brown eyes, the eyes that knew nothing but abuse since she was a child. Having to perform acts for her father, her fathers friends... her boyfriends... men in clubs... her boyfriend the bouncer that no doubt had it out for me now.
"I'm putting you to bed." I replied, pulling the blanket up to her chin and tucking the corners under her so she would be as comfortable as possible.
"Don't you?" She eased in and out of consciousness "Don't you want me?"
I bit my lower lip and looked away, listening to the loud refrigerater as it strived to make ice then back at her. "I want you to be well, Carla" I tried to smile the best I could, but it was weak, and I knew it. Though she was so gone form where I was, I was sure she wouldn't notice.
Carla tried to pull herself up to kiss me. I smoothed her hair "No no... sleep. You need sleep, darling girl"
I stood up as I watched her dose off, sinking into my black leather couch, the couch I had taken and drank from many a girl in my time here in Marseille, but not her. No...I couldn't.
I paced the floors in my "bedroom" eyeing my coffin, then the door to out there was the girl that slept.
Determined I nodded and packed up what was valuable to me in a backpack.... Which was nothing really but a few mementos. Pulling the multiple boards from the windows to look upon the night sky. I resolved I would go into the woods once more, sink into the ground and sleep till I found a new place to roam.
I removed an old ceder box from my top dresser, pulling out the few thosand I kept in there. Slipping into the living room once more I reached for her hand, letting her inanimate fingers clasp the rubber band pile, then set out into the dead of the night.
"I do not belong here... here is where mortals live their lives. I am uninvited."
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(22 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 6th, 2003
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10:33 pm
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The breeze waltzes outside my balcony swirling it's warm, sulfurous perfume up my nose, drowning my senses into the Mediterranean before me. Another night, another rumination of that which is to come, that which has gone by.
I wonder where you are. Do you embrace your Master, taste his skin upon your lips, does his ancient blood warm your weary thoughts?
Our words were brief the other night, would you prefer our visits to always be so? Do you check up upon your child with a knit brow only to be sure that he is not misbehaving himself, or that perhaps he hasn't fallen into another one of his drawn out sleeps which you call selfish?
Do you weep for me?
current mood:  curious
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| Sunday, May 4th, 2003
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11:16 pm
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"Hello Allem" My lips curled into an artful smirk as I whispered into the French-Arab girls ear. Her heartbeat halted for a moment then spun into a riot race as she choked on her breath, swallowing it back. Heavy black locks grazed my chest as she snapped around. "Who is that!?" Her tone was ballsy. I liked that.
I crossed my arms and tread back into a beam of amber light reflecting from a drug store sign. "You don't recognize me?" My violet eyes gazed into her memory ." How sad. I stepped close, my hand reached out to caress her neck " I once thought I was one to always make ...an impression"
She squinted her eyes "You're the guy from the metro. The weirdo, right?"
I gave an amused chuckle, then bowed before the lady preceding, to walk circles around her shapely form.
"S..So what do you want?" She tripped over her own words, and thoughts.
"Oh, not a whole lot. I saw you come out of the bar back there...."I gestured in the direction of Vieux-Port
behind me, my eyes falling to her hand, as it shuddered and clutched to a small dagger.
".....and I...." My eyebrows knit "I can't help but ask, are you going to stab me?"
"Depends"
"On what exactly?"
"It all depends on what you want with me?"
"I'm sorry?"
She stepped back, her knee high boots clicking on the pavement, a heal landing upon a flat beer can, causing a clang.. Her black eyes not looking at, but through mine.
" I have a bad feeling about you"
"Oh? And why do you think that is?" I drew closer to her, a smile remaining upon my pale lips. The dagger flew up, she pointed it at my heart. Her head shook, her face enraged as if saying "Don't even"
"I don't know, but I'm never wrong" I slowly lifted my hands and shrugged.
I spoke to her mind:
Allem Allem Allem What a beautiful woman you might had been,
had you not given yourself up to Heroine,
it runs in your blood now it pulses in my ears, Allem
So sad, so unforgiving this addiction.
Do you enjoy giving your body to sin.
Just so you may shoot up once again?
Allem, Allem, Allem
"stop doing that" She yelled.
My eyes were innocent "Doing what?"
She cupped her hands over her ears "Don't mess with me Mister"
"Daniel. I prefer Daniel."
"Yeah whatever Lucifer, Demon, DEVIL....fu*k off!!" The vixen drew towards me and at thrashed her puny dagger into my heart.
I tilted my head, my violet eyes beseeching her "Allem?!?"
She gasped, watching me silently. I traipsed back a few steps, my smirk slowly melted into a look of shock, my nostrils flaring at the insult. I tugged the dagger out of my chest and let in clank unto the ground, blood rushed down my NIN tee-shirt onto my jeans, and beaded upon my Docs. I sopped some of my salty juices upon my finger and licked it off
"Jesus, That hurt!"
She jumped forward, and pushed me back. I let her play her game. "Die! Salle bete de la nuit!!! I laughed, falling against a graffitied brick wall. Blatant laughter swelled out of my throat into the mid-night air. I chuckled so hard that the sting in my chest intensified. I laughed at the fiesty whore before me, I even laughed at less than present Armand. Stray ashen hairs fell into my face, I pulled them back coloring them red. I chuckled even harder.
Allem merely stared. Her brows knit in frustration? Horror? Guilt, perhaps? HA. Right.
I pulled myself up from the wall, walking forward... swaying a little, rendering the scene before her even more dramatic. She was frozen in place, peering at me like a deer in headlight. My mouth filled out into a vulgar smirk, I showed her my hands stained with the blood spilling down my chest, I places them on her cheeks and kissed her fill trembling lips. She gave into my lure, my mad love. My hands moved up her neck into her hair and down ...down down to her waist and thighs as we kissed deeply, more deeply than I have any of my victims. Or as I recall.
I slammed her into the wall, forcing her hands down with my own as my mouth moved down her chin, her neck, her vein.....her vein beating with living, lustful blood. Coursing for me, only me when moments ago all she wanted was the spill of my own. I nibbled at her vein, she laughed. Had the laughter caught on? Was life such a joke?I'll answer that. Yes. Yes it is. Life is unexpected, life gives back to you what you give it... You are a product, yes, a product of your own fantasies.
I smiled at her peels and with a hard demeaning thrust I bit down at her soft skin, She jolted only a little, her spine was paralyzed from my brash movement. I continued to suckles, lick, gulp at her fountain of tasty blood. The blood I needed to revive myself. Blood filled with heroine... filled with hopelessness, std's, carelessness for the life she lives. Why? Because of a lack of self esteem? Perhaps...I wasn't about to diagnose her problem. Besides, I was satiating my own hunger. I felt my wound crust up and heal as she became more and more lifeless in my arms.
Finally, after draining her of less than my fair share, enough to keep her alive for a good amount of time, I laid her back upon the concrete, resting one hand over the other as if she where the corpse in a funeral procession.
"Allem" I whispered in her ear. I knew she was still slightly contious and could hear me. "I have drained you of all the heroine that you fused into your veins. Once you are saved by your ambulance, given blood that will save you... you WILL NOT shoot yourself up again, do you understand? I hear it working in your veins, and I know where to find you, you can never hide from me." I licked the blood off my lips, my wound had healed " You will get yourself a proper job, find somebody a man, a woman that will treat you right... you will whore yourself no more. Understand?'
I kisses her upon her cheek, dawn was about to show it's face. After smoothing back her hair I stood up, and walk to my apartment.
current mood: awake
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 28th, 2003
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11:45 pm
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Have you ever been blinded by pain? Have you ever strived to swim through the most agonizing tar thick sludge, to where even if you opened your eyes, you still can not see? Even after the sediment presses again your bare eyes you still must struggle, paddle and give a god damn to get to surface? God, this is how I feel tonight. In fact this is how I tread many nights.
Blinded yet still hunting, feeding yet still regurgitating vexation.
No one can satiate this, nothing can renew what I feel is trapped deep within. Not the world's gods and their adherent hypocrites, nor the world's blood. Not even if I were baptized within.
current mood: lonely
current music: police sirens
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, April 18th, 2003
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7:16 pm
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The night was cold and unforgiving in my earnest request for sanctity. Cars rushed by sloshing gutter trashed puddles upon the sidewalk, belting along to their alloted destinations. Even the raindrops seemed hurried. to find there place. I on the other hand, had no direction, I never do really. My clothing was drenched, but what did it matter? It's sopping embrace was no more frigid than the cumbersome interlock of my coffin. It seems every day I stride the same monotonous merry go round of sleeping and hunting and sleeping hunting . All of it makes my soul (if I do indeed still have one)nauseous.
Tonights meal was to be a rapist parked within an abandoned strip mall, forgotten since the early 90's.
Casually I made my way to his burgundy Park Avenue Buick and opened the passenger door, inviting myself to sit beside him as he scurriedly set his toking pipe upon the open ashtray. I smiled, bitterly... keeping my violet gaze on his dialated red eyes as he searched for an explanation of my presence. His odor was mortally offensive, which to me made him even riper for the kill.
He beant forward reaching beneath his seat for a gun, his grimey neck bare between his sweat stained collar and greasy black hair. Despite his respusivness I struck ,lustfully ripping through his flesh to feast upon his tainted blood. My arms wrapped tightly around his body as he vainly struggled against my feed. In his head flashed an instant replay of all that had transpired that night. Promptly I pulled back snapping his neck watching as his skull crash into the window. My eyes remained upon his vial form as his blood gushed from his neck tricking down to mix with his juices. The very succuses which drove him to render pale the rosy cheeks of an inncoent young girl, not an hour before. Revolted, I stepped out of the car as my thirst washed away in the sins of my victim.
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| Saturday, April 12th, 2003
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2:20 am
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I want to touch you
You are so close yet so far
Where have you gone?
Were you ever here?
I can't recall when it was my heart opened to you
but now it withers,
it fails to beat in your silence.
I know, what does it matter to you?
What have I ever done to deserve your affections?
The question is, what would I do?
Burn for your sweet embraces
Fall just so you may fly.
Climb the fucking Himalayans
to know your lips were to be
pressed to mine once again.
Love is not a fairy tale
No,not a God damned romance novel,
Just another reason to break down and cry.
To pound my fists against the walls
for what I can not have.
Perfection I was never meant for.
I have come closer to Italy. I could not help myself. I want to know if he thinks of me... If he cares. God, I know the consequences... but I would like to think that he would take me in passionately embracing me. Kisses... love!
Fuck, I'm out of my mind...what am going to do, stalk him?
If I have to, yes.
current mood:  anxious
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, April 11th, 2003
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9:42 pm
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Armand.
I know you are listening. I know once and awhile you take a glance into my journal to know how and what it is I am doing. Once in a while leaving short notes to correct or berate my words, as you act to me as a scolding father rather than the lover you once were. The lover you were to forever be, did you not promise this to me? Why do you not say these biting words to my face? No wait. I know... You hate the quarrel. You despise the cold pungent truths that drip from my foaming mouth.
Tell me, how are you doing in the arms of your beloved master Marius? It must be nice to have one such as he to stand by through good and bad, always welcoming you back, never judging your disposition or choice of how you play out your existence.
Do I sound bitter? Hm. As I should. This is the pill I swallow. I have not sabotaged our love, Master. No... This is all you.
I've kept myself a safe distance from Italy lest I slam down the door and spit in your perfect face.
I know you detest todays rock, pushing it aside as offensive rubbish, but I have words for you now from the mind of another.
"You Know You're Right"-Nirvana
I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good
I will move away from here
You wont be afraid of fear
No thought was put in to this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
Pain [3x]
You Know your Right [3x]
I'm so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Let’s talk about someone else
The stinging soon begins to mount
Nothing really bothers her
She just wants to love herself
I will move away from here
You wont be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew to come like this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
Pain [5x]
You know Your Right [17x]
Pain [1x]
current mood: hungry
current music: Daniel-Fuel (cover Elton John)
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
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9:39 pm
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Armand has turned on me so easily, no questions, I am nothing. And if I could I would take it all back. Reverse myself from this "Dark Gift " and live, really live...until I die. But with a purpose and an accomplishment in mind. That I truly loved and was loved in return.
Yet as it is. I am not, and should not. Anyone that I know or shall have the privileged to know will perish before my very eyes, in a simple blink. I do not want to see those I love die. Therefore, I can not love. I can not! I shall suffer from it. I shall falter and see the end of myself were I to attach myself to a mortal. I am bound to see their end in less that 70-90 years from now.
Marius has done well,I applaud him...but I see myself ending quickly, swiftly beneath the suns glorious rays to bring me to my final resting place. I was not meant to be with Armand who bestowed upon me the "gift". I thought I wanted it...I thought I wanted him, but as it is... I am lost and alone and want nothing more than...nothing.
And what am I to be in this forum? A hero? One to be admired!? I deny this admiration, for I deserve nothing more than jeers for my decision.
Louis life, Lestat's life, they are survived in zest and perhaps deserve the books and praise. But me? I am not to be. I am not meant for eternity. And I refuse to bring anyone along.
To be bumped up upon the food chain like a god of some sort? No. Daniel is nothing more than a frightened mortal, who should live off the meat of animals and the fruits and gardens of the earth's giving.
current music: Nirvana
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, January 18th, 2003
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7:14 pm
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The buses run all night and are always surprisingly packed in the lower east side of town.( Also known as the ghetto) So many mortals without means of transportation crowd on the biting snow covered corners to get to there significant destinations. I have no direction, and still I remained waiting for a bus.
Beside me stood a couple huddled in one anothers shivering embrace. There layers of padded clothing, hoods, scarves yielded their genders indecipherable. Cold puffs huff rythmically from their quivering lips... where as mine was stone cold and undetectable.
There is something about the chill of winter air that cuts off my sharp sense for the smell of blood. Ah... but I was willing to wait, soon they would thaw above the vibration of public transportation. Body heat dancing off one another and my senses would nag at me once again in full force. How I love tourturing myself.
"Dude" The boys voice was rough, full of flem, he didn't care to clear it. "You got a smoke for me and my lady friend?" Hm...so the shorter stalkier bundle is the man. Upon his needy outstretched hand he wore black cotton gloves with the finger cut out. A style I remembered becoming popular amongst the punks from my mortal days. At first I acted as if I didn't hear him, minding my own business as if my full of profound thought.ha. right Then, reaching into my worn pocket, I pulled out a pack of Camel Lights.
Nonchalantly I flipped the lid and withdrew 3 along with a pink neon lighter my last victim had hidden within the hard pack. I handed them to the boy, wondering if he would take 2 for himself or hand them over to his "lady friend."
But it was too late to smoke. The bus had pulled up.
Why, you ask, would a vampire carry smokes in his pocket when he has no capacity to enjoy them? Simple... mortals flock to those that have something they want. My meals choose me.
I stepped aside to let the couple go first. The boy, yes...no more than 19 I suppose placed his hand upon the small of the girls back, leading her up the slick steps. I followed behind, ignoring the change box. The smell of watered down mud and body odor...and yes there it was...sweet blood filled the air.
I sat upon the first seat avalible.
"Good lord, young man, your eyes be beautiful! mmm..mmm" The lady beside me exclaimed as if witnessing a miracle. "You can't be telling me those be natural?"
'They are'
For real? None of that Halloween contact shit?"
'No. They are mine. Naturally mine.'
"Lord blessed you...what's your name?"
'Daniel'
"Lord blessed you Daniel, them are beautiful eyes. They remind me of... uhh..." She wavered upon a thought, shaking her gloved hand in front of her as if it would help it flow."What do you call them? Rubies..no..no Amethysts."
This girl had to be about 35. Decked in tight stone washed jeans and white spandex shirt. A guady leopard skin bra showing through...The low cut of her shirt revealed her reasonably large stretch marked breasts.
'You got a lady?'
no. I don't.
"Don't be telling me you play for the other team. You know...all beautiful mean play for the other team" She said matter of factly, placing her hand upon my knee in jest.
'Is that so? Interesting.'
I didn't bother giving her an answer...instead I shifted the subject.
'Would you like to kiss me?' I asked casually.
She became silent. Her wide eyes finally giving way to a blink.
"Sure I do."
I nodded and leaned closer, falling into her full mocha glossed lips. She loosen them upon my gentle pressure. Jungle red nails running up my side like a hesitant spider.
I let my lips linger for a moment then pulled away slowly. The violet eyes she adored so much peirced into her deep chocolate one. I could hear the beating in her chest, churning her blood all the more ripe. Her mouth remained agape.
'Are you alright?'
"Yeah." She remained still.
Settling back, I placed a cool hand in my pocket. I turned my gaze to the lights of downtown. A few beat up bars, a couple making out within the shelter of a broken phone booth. When I turned my head she was still staring at me... I wasn't even about to suppose what she was thinking.
Gently I placed my pale hand upon her shoulder, tugging her closer so I may kiss her once again. She loosened up a little more, pushing her heated mortal body closer to mine. I let her hand slip up the back of my shirt as we kissed deeper, raw... carefree, no emotional strings attached. Her thoughts swayed upon her ex-husband...ten years gone yet rooted deeply in the back of her mind. Affixed with hatred, distrust, pain...pain... heartache and pain.
My lips lingered upon her chin, her cheek, slowly brushing downward, tasting the salt and cheap purfume of her neck. She scratched at my back almost wantingly, as if in need. A feeling I know all too well.
Her blood remained arrant, and fresh, and sweet only a bite away...
The bus came to a halt. I lifted my head and watched as a few people fumbled about clumsily making their way to the exit. I stood, removing her hands from me and placed them in her lap.
'This is my stop'
There's that gaping mouth. "Will I see you again?"
I smiled 'no'
I turned and followed the couple from the bus stop out the back exit. And hopped out.
The bus screeched, rumbled and took flight, carrying away my night fae.
Reaching into my pocket I removed a Gucci knockoff wallet and flipped through the plastic holders stopping upon her face. "Anita Stonewall".... born in... 1962. Damn it. I was 5 years off. My finger slipped into the fold removing two 50's and a couple of dollar bills. Hm..This'll work for tonight.
"Dude" I turned my head gazing into the dim eyes of the boy from the bus stop. "Can I have another ciggerette so my lady friend can have two. A cold smirk.dinnertime
current mood:  apathetic
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| Thursday, December 19th, 2002
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9:47 pm
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I am tireless yet so worn out within this immortal "immaculate" shell. And where does my mastership lie? "Jack of all trades Master of none." Or as I like to say
"Jackass"
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| Tuesday, December 17th, 2002
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9:41 pm
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I wonder at what price you will have to pay for this.
Yours and my thoughts, feelings, whims are aligned upon the mortal plane. Were I mortal now I would scoop you up and take you under my wings. Torn and tainted they may be.
Yet I am not mortal and my capacity to give beyond my own fiendish whims are limited to... well I guess perhaps limited to the price I would have to pay for crossing the line.
There is pain in you, I feel it. It pulses through me and warns me of my trespass. Would that I could soothe that...but I fear I am the cause, and I am ashamed.
Solitude is torturous and unforgiving. There is no light at the end of this metaphorical tunnel, no gasp for fresh air.
For now I rest.
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| Tuesday, December 10th, 2002
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9:49 pm - ectopia
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I just had some boy off the street offer me "green." I smiled, shoke my head and sent him on his way with a hundred dollar bill; all "green" intact. Why? Because I can.
Where have I been? Must I be one to admit that silence is my comfort; Lead walls my sanctuary? Hm. Yes, I know, I am the King of tiresome counter-drilling. I bid my hunger cease these last few nights as I absorb the westsides air of ignorance. There is no time for petty speech when demons are at bay, so I wait... for perhaps another night, another credence.
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| Friday, November 15th, 2002
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9:54 pm - welter
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Revelling in the slums on the west side of town.
Got myself a basement apartment to where I blocked off the windows so that I may pace the floors in the day.
As soon as I gain a shred of composure, I will proceed to Louis'. He's alone, as am I.
I added a drawing Seth did of me a while back. I added it with my gifts.
Your eyes ring in my ears.
Your face hinders my view
I turn numb recalling the smell upon your lips.
Learned your lips.
Coveted your body.
Missed, your tainted semblance of a soul that possessed my senses
as I awakened yours.
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9:53 pm - at hand
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I'm heading for Chicago soon. No reason to stay around here, all is well in Venice. It always was.
I no longer want to be the fallback, the muli-use patch . Ok for a few uses... but not extraordinary enough for anything.
I chose to go back into hiding amongst the mortals. Pass as one once again. Take care of Seth, see that his life ends with death rather than prolonged misery.
I've had my fill of mortals tonight, but I want more. Good chance I'll head out again... the lush that I am.
Fuck it.
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| Wednesday, November 13th, 2002
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9:56 pm - offending adam
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Tonight I met an lovely Arab girl in a metro, said her name was Ashley....though I knew it was Alem.
"Why did you lie to me, about your name?" I asked
She was mildly shocked at my response, turning only to look past me to the strangers strolling by she answered.
"Because" she shrugged "I don't know you. And I'll probably never see you again. What does it matter...my name?"
She had a rough french accent, no doubt from the South. The part of France in which holds some sort of twisted fascination with me.
I smiled. She was pretty. Her breasts were full, too full... the first thing that I noticed, though I don't pride myself in being a breast man. Her clothing was that of..oh a hippie? No... not a hippie more vintage. A gypsy.. Yes. Somewhat clothed in what I would imagine Hugo's Esmerelda would be adorned in. Hunched over, even, clenching to her wrapped shawl as if it were her lifeline.
I'm not sure what her next words were, or even my response...but they were mundane and unimportant...what was more interesting to me was the thoughts she held within.
She didn't see me as beautiful, as so many others do... not even remotely charming in my disheveled boyish appeal. Rather, she targeted me as an evil creature, which caught me off guard.
I suppose I was silent for the next I heard was the screech of the train against the tracks, a huff... and her monotone voice rising above, though the least audible.
"wake up!"
I realized I had been staring at her. Had I blinked? How odd I must seem...
"Why do you think I am evil?" I asked her.
Still, no shock. She adjusted herself in her discomfort, settling back she peered upon her watch. No doubt she was in a hurry to get away from the madman.
"all men are evil" was her matter-of-factly retort
I must have offended her with my chuckle for she stood up with a furrowed brow and stomped away.
I didn't stand to apologize... I didn't follow to were she was going.
She'll be here tomorrow night. I thought. And so will I.
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